1
00:00:01,460 --> 00:00:02,670
Your waitress just
went on break

2
00:00:02,753 --> 00:00:05,048
and I'm just someone who likes
dressing like a polyester hot dog,

3
00:00:05,131 --> 00:00:07,341
so I'll take that
whenever you're ready.

4
00:00:08,301 --> 00:00:09,635
There you go. No rush.

5
00:00:10,636 --> 00:00:14,098
Okay, Mr. Rajeev Guttikonda.

6
00:00:15,391 --> 00:00:19,145
I have to say, that's a pretty
Gutti scheme you got going there

7
00:00:19,228 --> 00:00:21,689
but I Guttikonda don't believe it.

8
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:24,275
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
what are you saying there?

9
00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:25,943
What am I saying there, Boston?

10
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:28,779
I'm saying I believe
you watched Slumdog Millionaire

11
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,448
on a sticky couch
in your mom's basement,

12
00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:32,075
but I'm not buying
that you're Indian.

13
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:36,329
So take your fake, East Boston,
Indian accent out of here,

14
00:00:36,412 --> 00:00:37,621
or I'll call the cops.

15
00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:39,873
Dude, stolen credit card
and you choose to eat here?

16
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,042
That's the real crime!

17
00:00:42,168 --> 00:00:44,420
(CLEARS THROAT) Hey, Rajeev.

18
00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:47,131
Rajeev, my man!

19
00:00:47,298 --> 00:00:49,175
Rajeev Guttikonda!

20
00:00:49,342 --> 00:00:52,470
You know what? This one's on me.
I have trust issues.

21
00:00:55,098 --> 00:00:56,890
♪ (THEME MUSIC) ♪

22
00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:57,975
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

23
00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:08,819
That's weird.
We still have three Red Velvets left.

24
00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:11,364
I guess that bulimic girl
didn't come in today.

25
00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:14,617
No, she's here.
She's in the bathroom.

26
00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:20,373
Hmm, if I save these for her,
would that be helping or hurting?

27
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:22,040
Hey, everybody.

28
00:01:22,208 --> 00:01:24,877
Speaking of hurting,
here comes a pain in my ass.

29
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:26,920
Han, do you want the last Red Velvet?

30
00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:28,547
The other two are for
the bulimic girl.

31
00:01:28,631 --> 00:01:30,299
I made the call.

32
00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:32,009
No more cupcakes for me.

33
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:34,052
I've been on a juice cleanse
for six days.

34
00:01:34,220 --> 00:01:37,806
Han's on the prowl and
I gotta keep this body tight, son!

35
00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:42,520
I'm in the dating pool, you know.

36
00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:45,022
Yeah, the shallow end.

37
00:01:46,149 --> 00:01:47,816
You know those cleanses
never work, right?

38
00:01:47,983 --> 00:01:48,984
Really?

39
00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:50,694
Then how do you explain this?

40
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,032
I don't know.

41
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,618
Am I supposed to rub it
and make a wish?

42
00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:01,539
Not bad for having three kids, Han.

43
00:02:03,249 --> 00:02:05,459
What?
You don't see my abs coming in?

44
00:02:06,252 --> 00:02:08,879
I see one large ab coming in.

45
00:02:10,381 --> 00:02:12,383
That's at least a two-pack.

46
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,428
Han, the real Tupac

47
00:02:15,511 --> 00:02:17,388
is more alive than
your two-pack.

48
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,642
I'm gonna give this last cupcake away
as a free sample.

49
00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:24,270
My promotional tweets haven't
been getting much love lately.

50
00:02:24,437 --> 00:02:27,690
What'd you say? I black out
whenever you use work words.

51
00:02:27,773 --> 00:02:28,607
All I said was

52
00:02:28,691 --> 00:02:30,568
"promotional tweets" and "sample."

53
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:31,694
What?

54
00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:34,154
Here you go, ladies.

55
00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:36,657
A Max's homemade
cupcake on the house.

56
00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:37,866
Nah, I'm cool.

57
00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:41,495
I'm saving my calories for
one of those fabulous new cronuts.

58
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:43,747
Plus, cupcakes are so over.

59
00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:47,293
Well, so is Blossom, but....

60
00:02:50,546 --> 00:02:52,381
it didn't stop you
from wearing that outfit.

61
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,051
Those flower-power skanks
over there....

62
00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:57,511
"Flower-power skanks."

63
00:02:57,595 --> 00:02:59,888
See, these are words
I recognize and hear!

64
00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:04,059
Anyway, she said she
only cares about cronuts.

65
00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:05,686
And that cupcakes are over.

66
00:03:05,769 --> 00:03:07,396
Cupcakes are classic, right?

67
00:03:07,563 --> 00:03:08,814
Don't listen to them.

68
00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:10,899
They're wearing
high-waisted jeans.

69
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,319
The only time I like seeing
women's jeans that high

70
00:03:13,402 --> 00:03:15,153
is when I'm giving Han a wedgie.

71
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,030
Also, what's a cronut?

72
00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:21,952
Cronut is what we called
my Croatian cousin with one testicle.

73
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,748
He hung himself.

74
00:03:27,291 --> 00:03:29,126
Okay, well, in America,

75
00:03:29,252 --> 00:03:31,295
it's a half-croissant, half-donut.

76
00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:33,213
They're on the news,
Twitter, Instagram.

77
00:03:33,297 --> 00:03:34,798
People can't stop talking about them.

78
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:38,802
If cronuts had tongues, they'd be
the Miley Cyrus of pastries.

79
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,389
You're right.
They sound stupid.

80
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:44,057
Stupid delicious!
Where can I get one?

81
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:47,144
You can only get them
at this one pastry shop in SoHo

82
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,979
and people start lining up
at 4:00am.

83
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:51,482
Boy, times do change.

84
00:03:51,649 --> 00:03:52,650
Back in the day,

85
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:56,111
4:00am was when people would
snort lines, not stand in 'em.

86
00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:01,450
Who has the time to wait in line
all day for a piece of lame pastry?

87
00:04:01,617 --> 00:04:04,620
(POLISH ACCENT) Hey, everyone.
I got a cronut!

88
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:11,669
I waited in line for two whole days.

89
00:04:12,169 --> 00:04:14,129
Sophie, you bought into the hype too?

90
00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:15,172
Oh, come on,

91
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:18,258
you know your girl Sophie
is always on trend.

92
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,594
I was the first one wearing Crocs.

93
00:04:20,678 --> 00:04:22,971
I brought the Crocs craze to America.

94
00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:25,349
When I was rich,

95
00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:28,143
I sent 10,000 pairs of
Crocs to children in Africa.

96
00:04:28,311 --> 00:04:30,145
Why?
To make them less cool?

97
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:34,858
Look, girls,
here I am in the cronut line.

98
00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:37,611
And here I am still in line.

99
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:41,782
Oh, and oh, and here I am
riding a baby elephant.

100
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,118
And here I am eating a cronut!

101
00:04:46,537 --> 00:04:48,997
Max, as stupid as it is,
we've gotta go over there.

102
00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:51,334
We need to figure out
what they have that we don't.

103
00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:53,836
Oh, I'll tell you what they have.

104
00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:55,713
Cronuts!

105
00:04:59,842 --> 00:05:01,844
Oh, my God.
Look at this line.

106
00:05:01,885 --> 00:05:03,721
I knew we should
have gotten here sooner,

107
00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:05,723
but, no, I had to be
a good person.

108
00:05:05,848 --> 00:05:07,808
I had to carry that torso man
on the skateboard

109
00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:09,518
up the subway stairs.

110
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,521
All this is for a croissant
and a donut?

111
00:05:12,688 --> 00:05:14,231
Those things already existed.

112
00:05:14,398 --> 00:05:15,566
Where was all the fanfare

113
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,818
when I combined the sleeping pill
with the morning after pill,

114
00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:18,736
and called it the

115
00:05:18,861 --> 00:05:20,488
"sleep-through-the- morning-after"
pill?

116
00:05:20,904 --> 00:05:22,490
How did these things
get so popular?

117
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:24,992
There's no science
to this trend stuff.

118
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,995
It's all decided by one bitchy
gay guy typing in his room,

119
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,162
making it all up.

120
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,206
Well, then we have
to do some trend research.

121
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:32,249
We've got to figure out

122
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,376
how to make Max's
homemade cupcakes

123
00:05:33,417 --> 00:05:34,502
the next cronuts.

124
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,420
I hate all these stupid trends.

125
00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:38,881
Cleanses, cronuts, condoms.

126
00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:41,675
Excuse me, sir....

127
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:44,553
My name's Caroline.
I'm a trend researcher.

128
00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,765
I'm Chuck.
I sell magnets.

129
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:51,894
What made you wanna spend
an entire day in line for cronuts?

130
00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:56,023
I like croissants. I like donuts.
I'm a fat guy.

131
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:57,775
It all adds up.

132
00:05:57,941 --> 00:06:00,110
True. You are a fat guy.

133
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:02,446
And there's a donut shop
right across the street.

134
00:06:02,613 --> 00:06:04,865
So why don't you just stop there,
get a damn donut

135
00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:08,285
and save the last 200 possibly
life-threatening steps to here?

136
00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:12,205
Look, it's two things I like
put together. End of story.

137
00:06:13,457 --> 00:06:16,126
That's it, Max.
It's the two things together.

138
00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:17,753
One thing isn't enough anymore.

139
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:20,631
Yeah, that's why Oleg's cousin
hung himself.

140
00:06:21,924 --> 00:06:22,925
I'm serious.

141
00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:25,135
When's the last time
you did just one thing?

142
00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:27,805
Like, watch a movie without
playing a game on your phone?

143
00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:31,475
Magic Mike. Wait, does playing
with yourself count?

144
00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:33,727
Come on.
Let's get to the end of the line.

145
00:06:33,811 --> 00:06:36,605
(SCOFFS) End of the line?
That's for rookies.

146
00:06:36,772 --> 00:06:38,231
I'm a line pro.

147
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,150
My mom and I waited
in line for food stamps,

148
00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:42,110
Bob Seger lawn seats.

149
00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:44,488
We spent a Saturday
in the "guns for cash" line.

150
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,490
Now that's a line you
don't wanna cut in.

151
00:06:46,615 --> 00:06:47,991
Follow my lead.

152
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:54,998
Hey, man, cronut line.

153
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,249
What do you wanna do after this?

154
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:59,002
-Get my cronuts before you.
-Hey! You had better get to the back!

155
00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:00,671
Okay, all right, all right!

156
00:07:00,796 --> 00:07:02,923
Back of the line!
Everybody, relax.

157
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:06,844
Guess my mom being topless

158
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:09,429
had more to do with my
line skills than I thought.

159
00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:12,683
Oh, great!
Look at the cronut line.

160
00:07:12,850 --> 00:07:14,518
I told you we should
have left sooner,

161
00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:18,146
but, no, you said
we had to stay at temple.

162
00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:20,983
You're the rabbi.

163
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:22,693
Yeah, a career I was forced into

164
00:07:22,860 --> 00:07:24,945
'cause someone
wanted to write his memoir.

165
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:27,698
We get it, Garry.
You're adopted.

166
00:07:32,536 --> 00:07:35,205
Wha? Move up, hon.
You gotta fill the gap.

167
00:07:35,831 --> 00:07:37,958
I would if you would stop
trying to fill my gap.

168
00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:39,960
What difference does it make?

169
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,962
You're still gonna have
the same amount of time to wait.

170
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,296
And then, in 30 years,

171
00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:45,340
we're all gonna die
from Wi-Fi cancer.

172
00:07:46,842 --> 00:07:48,677
Okay, let's all just take a breath.

173
00:07:48,719 --> 00:07:50,387
It looks like we're gonna
be here for a while.

174
00:07:50,554 --> 00:07:52,848
You know what?
You're right. Hi, I'm Jerri.

175
00:07:53,015 --> 00:07:54,016
And I'm Garry.

176
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:57,978
I'm Jerri, he's Garry.
I'm tall, he's small. Cute, right?

177
00:07:58,061 --> 00:07:59,229
That's our thing.

178
00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:01,732
I'm Caroline and this is Max.

179
00:08:01,899 --> 00:08:03,734
That's it.
We don't have a thing.

180
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,402
So what drew you here today?

181
00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:07,320
Oh, well, we're trend-chasers.

182
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,697
When something new hits,

183
00:08:08,739 --> 00:08:10,866
we are on it like sea salt
on dark chocolate.

184
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,075
Mm!

185
00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:16,496
We did Pinkberry, Dippin' Dots,
kale, quinoa, Kombucha.

186
00:08:16,664 --> 00:08:19,082
All the ka's.
Just 'cause!

187
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,670
Can you tell we don't have kids?

188
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:26,256
-She couldn't.
-Garry!

189
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:27,550
Actually, it's true,

190
00:08:27,591 --> 00:08:30,177
and you can read all
about it in his memoir.

191
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,220
It's called-- (SNORES)

192
00:08:33,681 --> 00:08:34,723
You know what?
Jerri, Garry,

193
00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:35,933
I think we got too close too soon.

194
00:08:36,099 --> 00:08:37,434
Maybe we need a little space.

195
00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:40,604
We gotta move up in line
to get away from these people.

196
00:08:40,771 --> 00:08:42,355
Should I just take my top off?

197
00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:45,693
-Next in line.
-(GASPS)

198
00:08:45,776 --> 00:08:48,028
It happened!
We made it to the front of the line!

199
00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:50,197
-We're the front people!
-(BOTH CHEERING)

200
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,950
Yeah, we're the front people!
Back people suck!

201
00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:58,080
No, no, I said "back people,"
"back people."

202
00:08:58,246 --> 00:09:00,583
Baruch Hashem.

203
00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:02,585
We loved The Butler.

204
00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:05,796
You know, we've been through a lot.

205
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,756
Tempers flared, things were said.

206
00:09:07,923 --> 00:09:10,300
I'm fairly certain
that Dutch guy back there died.

207
00:09:10,634 --> 00:09:12,636
But we made it
and you guys are good people.

208
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,471
The sea salt of the earth.

209
00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:16,431
-Who's next?
-We are.

210
00:09:16,599 --> 00:09:18,141
I can only take a party of two.

211
00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:19,267
-Are all four of you together?
-Nope.

212
00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:20,560
-We don't know them.
-Guys?

213
00:09:20,644 --> 00:09:21,729
Cut 'em loose, Gar.

214
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,481
All sold out.
We're closed.

215
00:09:24,648 --> 00:09:25,983
I know you're driven mad

216
00:09:26,108 --> 00:09:27,985
with the power of being
a doorman at a bakery,

217
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,111
but come on!

218
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,989
Max, you know what I want
more than anything?

219
00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:33,490
To kill Jerri and Garry?

220
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:34,950
'Cause I'm totally on board.

221
00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:38,120
No, I want our business
to have a line.

222
00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:39,329
I wanna sell out.

223
00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:41,832
I want people to turn
against each other for our product.

224
00:09:41,999 --> 00:09:44,334
Again, I could just take my top off.

225
00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:45,753
I know and thank you.

226
00:09:45,836 --> 00:09:47,796
We have that in our back pocket.

227
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,589
But I have an idea we can try first.

228
00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:52,342
I'm gonna use work words now,
so listen up, skank.

229
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:53,636
I'm listening.

230
00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:55,095
I read in The Wall Street Journal

231
00:09:55,178 --> 00:09:57,514
that there's a whole black market
for cronuts on Craigslist.

232
00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:59,683
Craigslist? Oh, no!

233
00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:00,809
I don't want one bad enough

234
00:10:00,851 --> 00:10:03,478
to let some guy lick my armpit
for an hour again.

235
00:10:03,979 --> 00:10:05,522
They're not for us.

236
00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:08,025
We'll sell them at our window,
just to attract attention,

237
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,317
and then when they sell out

238
00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:11,153
we'll effortlessly switch
to cupcakes.

239
00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:12,821
Classic bake and switch.

240
00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:16,033
All that work for some stupid fad?

241
00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:18,702
I said "fad."

242
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,832
We loved Behind the Candelabra.

243
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,881
Try texting him again.
He's 15 minutes late.

244
00:10:31,048 --> 00:10:33,466
You're really surprised that
a guy reselling pastries

245
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:35,177
in the Rants and Raves
section of Craigslist

246
00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:37,554
-isn't the punctual type?
-(POUNDING ON WINDOW)

247
00:10:38,055 --> 00:10:39,056
This is so exciting.

248
00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:41,558
I've never bought anything
on the black market before.

249
00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:44,644
I'm still afraid to go to that
Filipino market around the corner.

250
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,193
Are you the guy?

251
00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:53,403
I don't know.
Are you the girl?

252
00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:55,906
So far, this musical sucks.

253
00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:58,658
What's the password?

254
00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:00,368
Cronut.

255
00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:03,246
Was "1234" already taken?

256
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,712
Meet us by the door,
which is code for

257
00:11:09,753 --> 00:11:11,755
"Meet us by the door."

258
00:11:11,922 --> 00:11:13,090
Which is code for

259
00:11:13,215 --> 00:11:14,758
"You're really bad at code."

260
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:18,011
Okay, let's talk about our plan.

261
00:11:18,095 --> 00:11:19,763
It's a classic good cop, bad cop.

262
00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:21,389
I'm gonna ask the
guy for ten cronuts

263
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:23,058
and he's gonna quote me 250.

264
00:11:23,225 --> 00:11:25,518
Right, then I play bad cop
and act outraged.

265
00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:28,105
And then I play good cop
and we settle at 200.

266
00:11:28,271 --> 00:11:29,522
Yeah, and don't worry about me.

267
00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:31,108
I'll improv some good
stuff on the spot.

268
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:33,110
Are you sure you don't wanna
run it by me first?

269
00:11:33,276 --> 00:11:34,737
I was in an improv group at Wharton.

270
00:11:34,778 --> 00:11:36,780
We were called "The Fun Percent."

271
00:11:37,781 --> 00:11:39,616
And I can imagine myself
not laughing

272
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,576
with 99 percent of the audience.

273
00:11:45,748 --> 00:11:46,664
Let's make it quick.

274
00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:49,292
You're not the only girls in town
who want my nuts!

275
00:11:51,336 --> 00:11:52,796
I assume you mean cronuts.

276
00:11:53,088 --> 00:11:55,298
No, I'm also a male prostitute.

277
00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:57,968
Let's see the product.

278
00:12:07,019 --> 00:12:09,271
She meant the other baked goods.

279
00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:12,983
You gotta be clear.

280
00:12:15,861 --> 00:12:18,488
Pretty maids, all in a row.

281
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:20,323
Let mama get a taste.

282
00:12:22,034 --> 00:12:24,036
It's pure.
How much for ten?

283
00:12:24,327 --> 00:12:26,329
I know I said 250 earlier, but--

284
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:29,291
Bullcrap!
One-fifty or we walk, bitch!

285
00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:32,335
Okay, let's all just calm down.

286
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:33,962
That's a really good deal, Max.

287
00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:36,006
-How about we settle at 200...
-Yeah....

288
00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:37,966
-...and call it a night?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. About that.

289
00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:40,844
I be getting mad offers
for these things tonight.

290
00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:42,805
I actually gotta raise it to 300,

291
00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:45,723
or I walk, bitch.

292
00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:48,476
(GROANING)

293
00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:50,187
Your hands are cold.

294
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:51,855
What'd you call me?

295
00:12:52,314 --> 00:12:54,524
-Nothing.
-That's what I thought!

296
00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:57,194
She said 200.
We'll pay 200.

297
00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:58,528
And you'll take it.

298
00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:00,072
You'll shove it in this...

299
00:13:00,197 --> 00:13:02,699
Hanes Her Way
hoodie you're wearing.

300
00:13:03,075 --> 00:13:05,035
You'll say, "Thank you, Max"

301
00:13:05,077 --> 00:13:06,703
and you'll hit the bricks, capisce ?

302
00:13:06,829 --> 00:13:07,996
Caroline, cash!

303
00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:13,836
-Thank you, Max.
-What'd you say?

304
00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:15,087
Thank you, Max!

305
00:13:16,213 --> 00:13:18,548
I've got the chills now.
Do you guys serve tea?

306
00:13:22,344 --> 00:13:23,511
How's that for bad cop?

307
00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:27,682
Riveting. I felt like I was
watching SVU Bakery edition.

308
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:36,942
Okay, here we go.
This is the last one.

309
00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:38,610
You want this cronut?

310
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:40,403
Lift up your shirt and
let me see 'em.

311
00:13:42,906 --> 00:13:43,907
Go get Han.

312
00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:45,575
I wanna show him what an ab is.

313
00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:48,912
Max, you should see the line.

314
00:13:48,954 --> 00:13:50,288
It's halfway down the block.

315
00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:52,207
We have a line.
It's working.

316
00:13:52,374 --> 00:13:53,750
But what's gonna happen now?

317
00:13:53,917 --> 00:13:56,419
I worked at Target the Christmas
they ran out of Tickle Me Elmo

318
00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:58,922
and there was so much blood.

319
00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:03,260
As planned, we'll just calmly switch
to our delicious cupcakes

320
00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:05,470
and then those'll sell out too
'cause they're that good.

321
00:14:05,637 --> 00:14:06,763
Okay.

322
00:14:07,139 --> 00:14:08,306
Attention, everyone.

323
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:09,766
Everyone, can I have your attention?

324
00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:11,726
Actually, we are very sorry

325
00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:13,770
but we are now sold out
of cronuts.

326
00:14:14,146 --> 00:14:15,272
(DISAPPOINTED GROANS)

327
00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:17,774
We do, however,
have something even better.

328
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:19,567
Max's homemade cupcakes!

329
00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:21,778
-Cupcakes? Jeez!
-Okay. Come on!

330
00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:24,406
All right, go! Leave!

331
00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:26,950
Chase your stupid trends.
But we're not worried!

332
00:14:26,992 --> 00:14:28,911
Cupcakes are classic!
We're Audrey Hepburn!

333
00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:31,079
Max, cupcakes are over.

334
00:14:31,329 --> 00:14:32,289
And you know why?

335
00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:33,916
Because cupcakes
are just one thing.

336
00:14:33,957 --> 00:14:36,251
If we had two things,
then we'd be something.

337
00:14:36,293 --> 00:14:37,627
That does it.
I'm calling the dealer.

338
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:39,337
I don't think
we should order more cronuts.

339
00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:40,797
Oh, no, I mean my drug dealer.

340
00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:42,299
I need to take the edge off.

341
00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:43,258
This sucks.

342
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:47,179
I feel worse about myself than I did
when I dropped the torso man.

343
00:14:48,846 --> 00:14:50,307
What are you doing with those fries?

344
00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:51,975
I'm dipping 'em in frosting.

345
00:14:52,142 --> 00:14:53,810
I do it when I'm depressed.

346
00:14:53,977 --> 00:14:56,813
I went right from baby food
into fries in frosting.

347
00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:58,773
Is it good?
It looks disgusting.

348
00:14:59,357 --> 00:15:01,776
It is both. Just taste it.

349
00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:06,198
These are pretty good.
Sweet and salty.

350
00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:07,782
Cupcakes and fries.

351
00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:11,328
That's two things.

352
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:14,164
Cake fries!
We're millionaires!

353
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:18,543
My willingness to eat anything
finally pays off!

354
00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:22,505
Wait, are you sure
it's not just us being desperate?

355
00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:24,841
Like, when Adam Levine made
that music video in Brooklyn,

356
00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:27,510
and you walked past the set all day
in a wet tank top?

357
00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:29,387
It can't hurt to put them out there.

358
00:15:29,512 --> 00:15:31,681
That's what you said that day too.

359
00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:37,187
Just sit down for
a second, Han.

360
00:15:37,229 --> 00:15:38,813
But this is the middle of a shift.

361
00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:39,856
I'm gonna tell everyone

362
00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:41,316
you're in the middle of
a male-to-female shift

363
00:15:41,358 --> 00:15:42,484
if you don't sit down!

364
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:47,030
All right. You are here tonight
to taste the next big thing.

365
00:15:47,197 --> 00:15:50,492
Okay, now you're just repeating
my pick-up lines back to me.

366
00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:53,703
No, it's a new dessert,

367
00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:55,580
and we've assembled
the perfect focus group.

368
00:15:55,747 --> 00:15:58,375
A black man,
a pig and a health fanatic.

369
00:15:58,541 --> 00:15:59,917
Y'all know who you are.

370
00:16:00,085 --> 00:16:03,713
I suppose I have been trying
to eat better lately.

371
00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:05,298
Hey, extra, extra!

372
00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:08,676
Read all about it!
I'm bisexual now!

373
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:12,472
Oh, perfect!

374
00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:15,433
Now we have the LGBTQ
community represented.

375
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,894
-Uh, what's the "Q"?
-Questioning.

376
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,562
And answered.

377
00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:23,650
Hey, everybody.
Meet Veronica.

378
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,068
She's cute, she's black,

379
00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:27,570
she has short blonde hair,
she's exciting.

380
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,906
And we met in Soul Cycle class.

381
00:16:30,073 --> 00:16:31,658
Yes, we did.

382
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:34,911
I slipped in her sweat
and she bought me a Luna bar.

383
00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:38,415
Now?
Now you're bisexual?

384
00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:44,087
Well, yeah, you gotta
keep up with the trends.

385
00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:48,550
Okay, focus group, let's focus.

386
00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:51,178
This is our new product
called cake fries.

387
00:16:51,261 --> 00:16:52,345
Cute, right?

388
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,097
You just take a fry
from the left side,

389
00:16:54,181 --> 00:16:55,932
dip it into the cupcake
frosting on the right,

390
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:58,518
and enjoy your sweet,
yet savory dessert.

391
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:02,230
Is this woman seriously trying
to teach me how to eat food?

392
00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:04,941
Oh, no, this looks very fattening

393
00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:06,359
and I've been on a fast.

394
00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:08,570
One lick isn't going to kill you.

395
00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:10,613
Yeah, just ask Sophie.

396
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:13,950
Okay, one bite.

397
00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:16,953
Now I don't want any of you
to hold back.

398
00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:18,913
Be completely honest
in your criticism.

399
00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:20,873
-Well, I feel like--
-Shut up, Han.

400
00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:24,043
No, I was gonna say
this is very good.

401
00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:25,628
Too good.

402
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:28,798
Uh-oh, look away, girls.

403
00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:30,300
You've released the Kraken.

404
00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:34,471
Damn! That is tasty!

405
00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:36,764
Now you may have
given me diabetes...

406
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:40,768
...as I have just lost the feeling
in my left foot.

407
00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:45,315
You know what,
I think I might be trisexual,

408
00:17:45,482 --> 00:17:48,485
because I'm having a love affair
with these cake fries!

409
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,820
Oh, my gosh, this is gross!

410
00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:52,655
And it's very messy.

411
00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:55,658
Oh, come on!
Then what was earlier?

412
00:17:56,951 --> 00:17:58,661
Okay, everyone,
this is all very helpful.

413
00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:00,163
We're still working some things out.

414
00:18:01,331 --> 00:18:04,083
Uh-oh.
My tummy feels funny.

415
00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:06,669
You mean your ab is hurting?

416
00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:10,173
Han, your first food in a week

417
00:18:10,257 --> 00:18:13,135
probably shouldn't have been
a fistful of fries and frosting.

418
00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:14,594
You know what, guys?

419
00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:17,180
We've all worked hard today.
Let's call it a night.

420
00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:20,183
-But it's only nine o'clock.
-Pardon me. Excuse me.

421
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:23,353
-Uh-oh. You don't wanna see that.
-Look out!

422
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:26,356
Move it! Move it or lose it.

423
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,691
Move it or I lose it!

424
00:18:29,025 --> 00:18:31,194
Out of way!
Out of my way now!

425
00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:37,867
Oh, dear.

426
00:18:39,536 --> 00:18:41,704
This is more embarrassing
than when Han fell asleep

427
00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:44,541
and Oleg drew
a penis on his face.

428
00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:49,128
I traced that penis on his face.

429
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:55,177
Now, you dip the fries
in the frosting,

430
00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:56,553
but I find the best way to eat this

431
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:58,971
is to first make sure
you feel super empty inside.

432
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:01,015
Not gonna be a problem.

433
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:04,227
These are adorable.

434
00:19:04,394 --> 00:19:06,313
Could you please take a picture
of me with it?

435
00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:07,730
It's so cute.

436
00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:13,736
And make sure you
hashtag that picture,

437
00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:15,530
"Max's homemade cake fries",

438
00:19:15,572 --> 00:19:17,240
when you post it online.

439
00:19:20,410 --> 00:19:23,205
A sad girl smiling
with our cake fries.

440
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:24,664
Once that hits iVillage,

441
00:19:24,747 --> 00:19:27,083
we'll be knee-deep
in canvas totes and cankles.

442
00:19:28,376 --> 00:19:29,377
Here you go!

443
00:19:29,544 --> 00:19:32,088
Sorry, that was our last cake fries.
We'll have more tomorrow.

444
00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:35,174
-Wait. We sold out?
-We sold out!

445
00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:37,260
Oh, my God!
We sold out!

446
00:19:37,385 --> 00:19:38,511
Yes! I'm a sell-out!

447
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,597
Let's buy a helicopter!

448
00:19:40,763 --> 00:19:42,515
Hi, girls.

449
00:19:43,057 --> 00:19:44,183
Oh, hey, Sophie.

450
00:19:44,267 --> 00:19:46,269
We're sorry,
but we just ran out of cake fries.

451
00:19:46,436 --> 00:19:47,937
Oh, that's fine by me.

452
00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:51,774
I'm going back to the basics.
Cupcakes and penis.

453
00:19:53,610 --> 00:19:56,112
Here's your cupcake.
We don't sell the other basic.

454
00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:01,784
You know,
it's nice to eat something

455
00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:04,454
you don't have to compliment
every five minutes.

456
00:20:10,585 --> 00:20:11,628
You know what, Max?

457
00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:13,963
Cupcakes, cronuts,
cake fries, whatever.

458
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,423
We're gonna be successful

459
00:20:15,465 --> 00:20:18,301
because we have the two things
that really matter.

460
00:20:18,468 --> 00:20:19,636
You and me.

461
00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:23,806
We're kinda like cake fries.
I mean, salty and sweet.

462
00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:26,559
-I'm sweet.
-And I've been assaulted.

463
00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:32,315
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

464
00:20:57,882 --> 00:20:58,883
(English US - SDH)